who do i even tell

i recently found out something about myself.

i can’t text anyone if i’m crying.

like physically can’t. the fingers don’t move. the brain goes blank. and i just sit there.

to everyone i’m that bakchod pareshan happy guy. sharing, talking, overtalking, doing some irrelevant harkate just to feel good, laugh, and make others laugh. that’s who they know.

friends i’ve known for 10+ years, shishir and them, they’d probably read this and think it’s fake. like bro rahul? sad? nah he’s just being dramatic. friends i’ve known for 3-4 years like rohan, yea i can share with them, but they already know my situation almost. parents? hell no. girls? no. then what more?

is this the lifecycle of someone like me?

it’s 3am right now. i vomited like 2 jugs worth of stuff. running a 99 fever. and i still have an endless list of tasks. and i’m still here. working.

but hey, i can write on this blog. hehe. this is way better than texting anyone.

this is life. or the founder lifestyle. lonely af. working. if not working then also thinking about work. that’s it. that’s the whole thing. and it’s very sad honestly. not cool at all.

idk what to say more. i’m just feeling sad for not pushing myself more. and even when i’m delivering at 100% my best, i want to do more. this is my first official job. OFFICIAL. i can’t fuck this up.

my life revolves around work. if i’m not working, it’s because the work i think about is too much. if i’m working, it’s because the work IS too much. that’s how i measure my productivity now.

but yes. lot of sleepless nights + tears are required. it’s not going to be that simple in the end.

grateful for everything. lets go.

jai bajrangbali.